Book Title

What do you think about the following as a subject for a book I could write:

"Gamification of communication and documentation processes in project teams as internal stakeholders being a contributing factor to successful implementation of ERP software"

Leave your comments...

Bored Pensioners

My parents just told me about their latest plan. They are going to put a beach chair into their garden. Complete with 2 tonnes of finest sand from the beaches of the Baltic Sea. 

I guess they want to create Germany's biggest outdoor cat litter box.

Frankly, a beach bar would be more exciting. Possibly, I would spend more time in their garden then.

Formulated for Success

 

Here at the Stefan Pertz Institute for Useless Information we strive to bring you the biggest nonsense, worthless stuff and gibberish you could ever use to stop any dinner conversation dead in its tracks. Here the latest, specifically geared up to depress the hottie in a red dress (Die da? Nein die da mit dem dicken Pulli an, man!) that initially had a most massive crush on you...

THIS, Laddies and Gennelmen!, is the formula used by the German government to calculate your pension.
Focus.de had this on their website so that readers could make an effort to calculate for themselves how much they would be drawing as a pension.

I ask you: how bored must you be with your collection of spores or dried orange peel to be wanting to do this??? Contact me via email and I can send you 12 suggestions for fun activities to do when you are alone and don't have a stick to dig a hole in the yard. 

Now, this blog would not be among the most popular on the interweb, if there wasn't any value I could ad. So, here goes then: the Pertz'sche simplified formula to determine your pension:

<your pension amount here> = by far not enough

The MOST HATED word of 2021 - Votes are in!

 UNPRECEDENTED

Not much guessing needed there and I am sure it will be the most hated word this year, even though we have 11 more months to go. Based on research we have done here at the Sockentauschzentrale Setia Alam, we have a verdict. Having scrutinised thousands of documents, we found: Not one press release, article, newspaper article or radio announcement seems to be complete with this never-heard-before expression.

Let's have a look. It means:

"never done or known before."

Now I needs someone to explain to me what it is exactly that makes 2020 / 2021 so extra special with secret ingredient spice that it deserves the use of this particular word in everything mankind is writing, singing or sending in a WhatsApp message. Have not most times mankind has experienced been "never done or known before"? Like, when was the last time that people lived in a totally unchanging time. 

The Jury celebrating another successful, unprece.. SHUTTTT UP!

From an Editor's point of view... the word is so worn out, we couldn't recycle it in any other time that we may face and that we have never done or known before. If we get attacked by three headed aliens that want to make us their sex slaves we have to find another word to describe our situation then. Unprecedented will be unavailable. 

And look here: A list of all the words that could be used instead!
https://www.wordhippo.com/what-is/another-word-for/unprecedented.html 

Ok, admitted, "amazing" may not cut it to describe a pandemic. But I am sure you get the idea that this could also be unparalleled times or extraordinary ones. 

Why did this un-word of the year have to even make it into "we bring you another unprecedented, historic and groundbreaking bus journey."? ARGH!

Valentines Inspiration

 Wife wanted a clutch. She wasn't impressed when I got her this one....

Rear Window

 

Certainly not as dramatic as in the Hitchcock movie, but still some story to this. It the view from my home office, where I am being seated most of the time of every day these days. What is there to see? Laundry mostly. Some plants we try to grow and white outer walls of other units in the block.

I don't know my neighbors. I could see some of them if I stepped out there and see them toiling away with their laundry, food preparation or whatever other chores they are busy with. We look at each other in the morning, maybe, but we never speak. 

Sounds are abundant though. There is the clanking of a wok being worked over, crying kids (one kid seems to be in for a world record) and conversations in tongues I do not speak make for a constant wafting of noises. 

When I sit here at 5:30 am, there is already some noise starting. It is not the chirping of birds, but people getting up or even revving up to go to work. Over time, I feel that there are patterns. For instance one resident seems to be playing music on Friday evenings only. Must be getting into the mood. 

The original "Rear Window" is an all time favorite of mine. Having seen it at a young age, the intrigue has always been something that fascinated me. Today, I wonder what happens in all these homes that I can hear, but not see much of. Except for the non-stop screaming kid, everyone seems to be happy with nobody shouting at family members or even trashing places up. Which is amazing, considering that some might have developed cabin fever after all these months at home.

Upskilling

 

After I successfully managing to make pizza at home from scratch, I am now dabbling in cocktails. Gotta keep busy with something while being confined to one's home. Drinking at home also has the added advantage that one doesn't have to worry about roadblocks or dress code. 

Shown above is the result of my first Negroni attempt. The backed oranges were a real hit in this one. I was told though that the Vermouth is to be red. Ok, next time. I promise. In extension of this experiment, today it will be "Negroni Fizz". Cos I still have much of the oranges left. 

The mixture yesterday had us out of order even before the sun set... Doesn't happen often that I am in bed before 21:00 and then sleep for 11 hours. Maybe, just maybe I am just tired. What with the stress and all. But could also be the allohol. Either one. 

I will eat my free lunch AND have it!

I see a massive debate about the new WhatsApp Terms & Conditions and how Signal and Telegram are supposedly better as they do not harvest data to be sold. Ok, so far so good.

The way I see it is that WhatsApp (WA) provides me with a service. One that works day and night, highly reliable and so far never had any glitches. And so far they charged me USD 1.99 per year or so.

Again, it is a service. And therefore, they need to make money. If anything, the servers need to be maintained, salaries paid etc. That can be done via:

- In-app advertising (Shudder!!!! That is the reason why I hate Line and WeChat)

- Subscription fees

- Data gathering and sales of it

When I see people on Facebook / Instagram: they post EVERY move they make. They do that voluntarily. And they have a problem when their data is harvested? Uhm... dunno...

Go ahead, make my data. What is the worst that can happen? That I am being shown an ad for tampons on FB? Which I can simply ignore? This is a  small price to pay for a service that I depend on, that I like.

Why ask?

Here at the Pertzi's Research Center for useless information we just confirmed the following: People have lost the ability to look up things themselves. Instead of spending 30 seconds browsing a website, they rather compose emails to get the information. As examples:

Q: Where is your office located?
A: That can be found on our website, but here it is...

Q: Do you have a current rate card?
A: That can be found on our website, but here it is...

Q: Can I subscribe to the magazines?
A: A: That can be found on our website, but here it is...

Q: Do you have older magazines available as PDF?
A: That can be found on our website, here the link

Q: Is there an office in Singapore? Who do I contact?
A: That can be found on our website, but here it is...

Q: What do the online banners look like?
A: That can be found on our website, but here it is...

Q:What are the specifications for online banners / print ads
A: That can be found on our website, but here it is...

You get the idea. 

Hairy!

 

So, this is me (right), finally giving in to the temptation of having a professional shave. After what felt like a year at home I had a professional barber weed out the beard, trimming it neatly. I did not mind the plastic apron and all that at all. What I liked most were the hot towels, which were drenched in something lemongrass. 

Meanwhile, the remaining hair on my head is growing wild. That is for my next post.